


Equivalent Exchange

by Lazy8



Series: Forging Connections [5]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Abandonment, F/M, Inappropriate Erections, Past Child Abuse, Post-Canon, Scars, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 14:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5007631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazy8/pseuds/Lazy8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zuko isn't the only one who's suffered. Some scars are just less visible than others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Equivalent Exchange

It took him some time to notice, but she was the only other person who was consistently there every single year.

Oh, it wasn't as if the others never showed at all. On the first anniversary of the end of the Hundred Year War they were all there, Sokka attempting to draw (Zuko determinedly did not look at the mess he was producing), Suki at the Pai Sho table with Mai (he had a brief flare of apprehension that they were developing some sort of rivalry), Toph with her feet up on the nearest available table, Aang and Katara talking quietly in the corner, and Zuko moving around the room serving tea to them all. Life was good.

"Nephew! Those kind people at the corner table are in need of a refill."

"Hit me with a cup of jasmine, Sparky! And make it double time!"

"Zuko, stop moving around! How am I supposed to capture the moment if you won't stand still?"

…even if he still couldn't catch a break.

On the second anniversary, Sokka sent his regrets.

"He says to tell you he's sorry he can't be here," Zuko overheard Katara telling Uncle as she and Aang came in out of the rain that she'd been waterbending off of them both, "but we've been away for so long, and Dad and Gran-Gran wanted at least one of us home to celebrate with the tribe this year."

"Any particular reason you didn't go with him?" Zuko whispered to her in an undertone later, while Aang was busy telling Uncle about their adventure in the Sun Warrior ruins.

Katara bit her lip. "I would have," she confessed. "But with that epidemic that was going around the Earth Kingdom the past few months they've needed every skilled healer they can get. I wasn't even sure I was going to make it here, to be honest."

Toph, in her corner, gave a small huff as she tossed back her tea.

On the third, Suki informed them she was going back to Kyoshi Island to visit her parents. "The last time she went home, it was so she could introduce them to me," Sokka muttered when Katara commented on this. "I think she wanted some time with just her and her family."

"Where's Mai?" Suki asked the next year, when she did decide to join them. "I was looking forward to having a game with her."

"She's not coming," Zuko said shortly, and Suki had the good sense not to ask anything more.

Unfortunately, the same could not be said for Toph.

"So what's the deal, Sparky?" If nothing else, she knew her work: she had cornered him in the kitchen while Uncle was out in the main part of the teashop, and there was no way to get past her without either breaking something or engaging in acrobatics that were highly impractical to attempt while wearing an apron.

He settled for scowling. "With what?"

"Don't lie. You know what I'm talking about." She crossed her arms. Though she had remained the shortest member of the group, Toph had grown over the years, and was tall enough to be properly intimidating when she stepped in close and jabbed a finger into his chest. "You've been sulking all day. Now, what's going on between you and Knife Girl?"

"We broke up," he snapped, grabbing her wrist and pushing her hand away. "Happy?"

The argument had been so stupid—something about how she should at least smile when they were out on a date—but it had ended in a full-blown shouting match (or at least, there had been a lot of shouting on his end). Harsh words had been exchanged—he only cared about himself, she didn't care about _anything_ —and it had ended with Mai telling him it was over. This time, he was sure, it was over for good. He and Mai might have been on-again-off-again for several years following his return to the Fire Nation, but he didn't see any way they would possibly be getting back together after the way it had ended this time.

_"I put up with this when we were teenagers and you were going through a rough time," she said at last as she lingered in the doorway. "But Agni, Zuko—you're almost twenty. If you can't get ahold of yourself now, when will you ever?" She sighed. "I love you… but I won't put up with being treated this way." Clasping her hands in front of her, she gave a stiff bow. "Goodbye, Fire Lord."_

"No." Toph's voice jarred him back to the present. "I just want you to quit moping around. It's not like it's the end of the world."

"And what would _you_ know about it?" he snarled, his temper fraying at last.

"A lot more than _you_ , apparently!" Her face reddened as she shouted; abruptly she turned on her heel and stomped away.

Nobody left the Jasmine Dragon in a good mood that year.

On the fifth year, the gathering was small—aside from Suki's absence to visit her family again, this time taking Sokka again, Katara had returned to the Southern Water Tribe, and Aang had gone with her. This time, it was only Zuko and Toph.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," he apologized in an undertone as he leaned forward to set a cup of tea in front of Toph—Lapsang souchong, her favorite.

"No harm done, Sparky." Even as she curled her hands around the cup, however, Zuko couldn't help but notice that this year Toph was the one who looked unusually morose. "I shouldn't have been prying into your business."

"Call it even?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Though he was glad for the reconciliation, something about Toph's demeanor was still bothering him. After attempting a few rounds of Pai Sho (during which Uncle kicked his butt five times in a row), he finally gave up and let a group of giggling girls have the table, moving instead to join Toph once more.

"Okay," he said as he pulled up a chair across from her. "What's wrong?"

"Oh no you don't, Sparky," she said, placing one hand flat against the table next to her empty teacup. "You wouldn't tell me anything when I pulled this on you, and I didn't grow up in a rich merchant family for nothing. You want me to give, you've gotta be willing to give something back."

He sighed. "Do you want to go somewhere a little more private?"

A few minutes later, they were in his room, the door closed and locked. "So what do you want to know?" Zuko asked now that they were alone, knowing that he had to go first—earthbenders were stubborn that way, and Toph wouldn't be telling him _anything_ until she'd gotten something out of him in turn. "Do you want to hear the details of my breakup with Mai?"

She snorted. "No. I can imagine _that_ for myself."

After this unflattering remark, however, she didn't offer any other options, and after a few minutes of waiting for her to either give him an alternative or tell him what was bothering her, Zuko gave a small cough. "So… what did you want to—"

"Your uncle said you have a scar."

"Well… yes." In all honesty, he hadn't expected the conversation to go this direction—he'd expected for Toph to demand that he recount some embarrassing story involving him and Mai. Or him and Azula. Or him getting frozen to a wall by Katara… "It's on my face. You… well, most people can't miss it."

She reached out her hand. "I want to see."

So Zuko sat down on the bed beside her, bracing himself as Toph placed a hand on either side of his head. She ran her fingers over both sides simultaneously, the normal half and the twisted, burned ruin, her touch feather-light as she compared his eyes, his ears, exploring the edges and the extent that ran beneath his hairline. Once she was satisfied, she nodded and pulled away.

"Where did you get it?"

"My father—Fire Lord Ozai—gave it to me. I was thirteen."

Zuko didn't know what had prompted the slip—it had been years since he'd last referred to Ozai as his father. He wasn't, not in any way that mattered. Toph only nodded, and did not ask for further details, which made Zuko suspect that she'd had some inkling of the story all along.

Instead, she reached into her shirt, pulled out a scroll, and held it out to him. "Read it. What does it say?"

The first thing he noticed was that the edges were fraying, yellowed and worn thin. Toph must have run her fingers over the parchment hundreds of times, even though she could not have read it.

"We… have no daughter."

Zuko realized that his breathing had gone harsh and ragged. Toph had never given any hint before, never said anything… or maybe she had, and he hadn't listened. What was that she'd said about running away back on Ember Island, when he'd been so worried about finding Aang that he'd dismissed her childhood woes as unimportant?

"Yeah." She held out a hand, and Zuko placed the scroll back into her open palm. "I've been writing them every few months since I ran away with Aang—or I've been dictating, I guess. Katara's been doing the writing." She paused, took a deep breath, and blew it out again, causing her bangs to drift upward before they settled right back down into her face. " _Sweetness_ thinks this is all a misunderstanding, and if I keep trying we'll make up and hug and be a big happy family all over again."

Zuko's hands clenched in his lap. "That kind of thinking nearly got me killed."

"See, _you_ understand. Sugar Queen and Snoozles don't get it. Their father…"

Zuko nodded. He'd met Chief Hakoda, seen the way he'd reached out to embrace his children at every opportunity, the way they'd received his affection gladly, without a trace of the self-doubt or desperation to prove himself that Zuko had known for far too long. It had made him smile, at the time, to see that such a thing was even possible; he'd been beginning to lose hope that family was anything more than a pretty fantasy that would be forever out of his reach.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. It was the only thing he could think to say.

"So am I." Toph's hands were now clenched in the sheets, a slight tremble running through her arms even though she was keeping her voice determinedly rock-steady. "Your family… how badly did they hurt you?"

It was a few minutes before he could answer. "It wasn't just Ozai," he choked out at last. "Azula, she..."

Hours passed as they sat in that room, side by side on his bed, and talked. Zuko told her how Ozai had fawned over his sister while treating Zuko like something he would scrape from the bottom of his shoe. Toph talked of a childhood spent wondering whether she would follow soon after if her parents suddenly died, because they didn't want to teach her to take care of herself. He recounted a childhood spent in fear, always on his toes because he knew that the second he let his guard down, that's when Azula would strike—with harsh words, with a tattle to Ozai, with a burn that she'd later pretend to their mother had been an accident. Toph told of having to hide her earthbending, of concealing her true self because she knew that her parents would reject her if they knew who she really was, of how they never spoke two words to her directly unless they were scolding her for doing something wrong.

Finally, Zuko described his last Agni Kai.

"Maybe she just hated Katara. She was pretty far gone at that point, so I can't know for sure... but I'm convinced that Azula targeted her because she knew I would take it." He let out a breath. "I can't stop thinking of her as my sister, but love to her is only something she can use. She meant to kill me. If I hadn't managed to partially redirect it, I would have been dead before I hit the ground."

"Do you have a scar from that too?" Toph's voice was quiet.

He hesitated for only a few seconds before opening his shirt. Then, he reached out to take her hand into his own, and guided it to his chest.

Her touch was surprisingly light; her fingers curious, questing. Or maybe that was him—he'd lost a lot of sensation after the burn had healed; he could perceive pressure there, but little else. When her fingers moved outward as she explored the boundaries of the burn, however, Zuko realized that it wasn't merely an illusion caused by the damage to his skin—her touch really was that light. Goosebumps rose on his arms, and a slight shiver went through his body as her hands moved past the edges of the scar to brush against normal skin.

Naturally, she felt it. Her hands stilled. "Want me to stop?"

"I—" He licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. What had just _happened?_

Already she was pulling away, letting out a sigh. "Guess this isn't the right time, huh?"

"No," he agreed. Abruptly he realized his shirt was still hanging open, and pulled it shut with a grimace. Not that it would matter, with only Toph in the room, but it was the principle of the matter.

Zuko was so, so confused. They had both—in his case quite literally—bared their worst scars to each other, and Zuko didn't think he'd felt this raw inside since that awful night spent waiting in Uncle's tent. If Toph's melancholy and the shaking of her hands were any indication, it was the same for her. Still... Heat rose to his face as a brief glance downward confirmed that his body was having a rather different reaction. At least Toph couldn't _see_ it, but there was no way she didn't know.

With a sigh, she pushed her way off the bed. "See you next year." Then, she was gone, leaving Zuko wondering whether there was any way for him to get in a cold shower without Uncle noticing.

* * *

The next year, Zuko was the first to arrive.

By the time he had made his way through the slums of Ba Sing Se and into the Middle Ring, it was almost closing time, though a steady stream of customers still flowed in and out of the doors in spite of that. He smiled; it seemed that Uncle at least was doing quite well for himself. Rather than vie for a space in such a popular establishment, Zuko settled himself outside of the doors and watched the Sun go down as he waited.

After a few minutes, the flow slowed to a trickle, and the steady drone of conversation that had been drifting to him from inside quieted and resolved itself into individual voices. "No, no, I'm sorry, but we are closing. Please do come back tomorrow, though!" A small group of young women left shortly thereafter, a few of them giggling behind their fans. Zuko waited a few seconds longer, but it seemed that they had been the last of the stragglers. Turning, he pushed his way through the doors.

"I'm sorry, but we are closed at the— _Nephew!_ " No sooner had Zuko gotten his foot through the door than he was grabbed by his shirt and yanked into one of Uncle's bone-crushing hugs.

"Good to see you too, Uncle," he wheezed, patting the old man's back a few times before they pulled apart.

"Here, let me get a look at you." Uncle set him slightly back, holding him at arm's length while he looked Zuko up and down. "You have been eating? Sleeping? Are you hungry?"

"No, I had dinner with the Earth King. I would like some tea, though. Tea that isn't chewy!" he added hastily as Uncle bustled back into the kitchen with a look of delight.

"I take it that's why you are early," Uncle remarked when he emerged with a steaming pot a few minutes later. "I was not expecting anyone until tomorrow, to be honest."

Zuko nodded. "I had to be in the Earth Kingdom anyway to oversee some of the final steps of decolonization. Things are going better than expected, so we finished up early."

"It is good to see that things are going smoothly for you at last." Uncle lowered his cup with a smile. "I am sure that your friends will be glad to see you as well."

_His friends..._

As Zuko lay in bed that night, he remembered what had happened between him and Toph. He wondered how she was doing, what she was doing—they hadn't had any contact with each other for the previous year, which actually wasn't all that unusual for them. Between his duties and her preferences, the two of them were hardly ever in the same place at the same time, and they didn't write—while Zuko would have liked to clarify the... whatever it was that had happened between them last year, he wasn't about to trust any of his confused feelings to a letter that Toph would have to have read _to_ her. He'd just have to wait until they saw each other in person.

The next day, Aang was the first to arrive, bringing the Water Tribe siblings with him. Aang and Katara looked positively radiant, while Sokka bore a near-perpetual expression of disgust. When they hugged, Aang nearly squeezed him to death, and when Zuko finally managed to push him away he saw to his surprise that they were now eye to eye.

"Sorry," Aang apologized, not looking a bit sorry, "but it's so good to have the family back together again. Speaking of which, I should probably tell you the good news..."

He and Katara, as it turned out, were now engaged, which also explained the faces that Sokka was making. They were, Katara explained, holding off on the actual wedding until everyone could be present.

"I hope that everyone comes this year," she continued, nervously combing her fingers through her hair. "I don't want to have to wait too long..."

"Don't worry," Aang reassured, leaning in to kiss her. "I'm sure they will."

"Ugh." Sokka rested his face on the table. "Katara, would you please stop kissing Aang in front of— _Suki!_ " Sokka rushed to lock lips with his girlfriend as she pushed her way through the doors, and the three remaining friends shared a good-natured eye roll.

That left only one person who had yet to show. Zuko clenched his fist against the urge to drum his fingers against the table, trying to hide his nervousness. Toph would be here. Toph was _always_ here. These yearly get-togethers were just like that: a home for the homeless, a chance to find family for people who had none of their own...

While Aang was still babbling on about his plans for the wedding, Zuko excused himself and retreated to his room. He'd go back in a few minutes. Right now, though, he needed some time to compose himself. He needed to decide what he would do when he saw Toph again.

Then, it had been the wrong time and place, and they had cut things off before they'd had a chance to go anywhere. Now, Zuko realized that he wanted it to go somewhere. What should he do, though? Bring it up directly? Drop hints when they were alone? Or should he simply treat her as he always had, and let her take the lead?

"Hey, Sparky."

Zuko had been so deep into his thoughts that he nearly jumped out of his skin. Even as he sent an ineffective glare Toph's way, she smirked.

"You did that on purpose!"

"Duh." She crossed her arms. "I don't suppose you have any more scars you'd like to show."

Zuko swallowed. "No. I think we're pretty much covered on scars."

"Good." The door latched closed behind her. "Because now I'd like to get a look at the rest of you."

**Author's Note:**

> Ah-ha-ha, did I say I thought Zuko/Suki was hard? Because writing this chapter for me was like pulling teeth. The characters weren't cooperating, and all the while there was this voice in the back of my head screaming "No no no, Zuko and Toph are siblings! Siblings I say!" (And yes, to anyone who wants to point out the irony: I found writing this chapter far harder than I did to write Sokka with Katara.)
> 
> At any rate, I stretched it out over several years because I really wasn't comfortable romantically pairing a sixteen-year-old with a twelve-year-old, thus all the time skips until they'd reached an age where a relationship wouldn't result in sex offender status. It also just didn't feel right to have them get together during a moment of angst, even if that was where they first realized their attraction. While I'm all for angst, it doesn't go particularly well with romance in my book.


End file.
